Note: The article ’10 Things You Must Know About Dating Korean Girls’ was meant to be for fun. I am speaking from just my own personal experience as a white male and, of course, these points do not refer to all Korean women. The information in this article is going to assume that you are indeed looking for a more substantial relationship rather than something that is short term.
Dating Korean Girls
Welcome to Korea. You just arrived as a tourist, a new English teacher, a new exchange student or a factory worker. Your goal is not only to travel, work or study here, but also to live here and experience the culture. The best thing to overcome loneliness and improve your adjustment to the country would be to start dating a Korean woman.
Korean women are really the best girlfriends to have in the world. They are pretty, cute, sexy, loyal, clean, sweet, fun and have an innocence about life that is quite refreshing. After dating a Korean girl, many men get “Korean Fever”.
So you start dating a local Korean girl, but quickly discover that dating a Korean girl is quite different than dating back home. Your new relationship is full of cultural differences, linguistic misunderstandings and prejudice.
Here are ten things you should know before you start dating Korean women.
#1 They Don’t Want to Look Easy
There is a prejudice and fear that foreigners think Korean girls are easy. When a Korean girl dates a foreigner, they are scared that their new boyfriend may think they are easy. So, Korean women may be more cautious dating a foreign man than when dating a Korean man. They are checking to see if you are just looking for an easy girl.
Treat the girl with respect, and don’t be too aggressive in the beginning and she will realize that you are looking for something more meaningful. Pushing for ‘skinship’ or something more intimate too soon will cause her to doubt your intentions.
#2 You are a Playboy!
If you are a white, young, and somewhat handsome, male then a lot of Korean girls will quickly and automatically judge you as some sort of playboy or womanizer. They know as a foreigner in Korea you attract a lot of attention and they may assume that you must have many girls chasing you. They will certainly start any relationship with suspicion. You are guilty until you can prove your innocence.
Early on, you may find that your new girlfriend will want to check your phone for evidence of you seeing another woman. She may be aggressive about this, so be ready to hand over your phone. She wants to check your messages and photos and interrogate you about every female name and photo. If you decline her requests to see your phone, then you are automatically guilty as a womanizer.
Don’t whine about it being your personal privacy, just hand over the damn phone. Hiding your phone just creates suspicion. The act of allowing her access to your phone will go a long way in gaining her trust quickly and destroy her suspicions.
If you are stubborn and insist on not showing your phone, she will eventually get her hands on it and check it whether you like it or not.
#3 They Have a Fantasy About You
Some Korean women, especially older ones, tend to have a fantasy of meeting a foreigner and escaping patriarchal Korean society. A lot of Korean women hate Korean traditions and culture which tend to favor Korean men. I don’t blame them. So when they date a foreigner, you are an ‘out’. You are clearly a more positive alternative than marrying a Korean guy and having to deal with an evil Korean mother-in-law or other intrusive family members.
When you start to date a Korean woman, they may already be thinking of marrying you and returning to your home country one day. I suggest you be clear early in the relationship about your future plan about returning home and if that plan includes her. Every girls hates it when their boyfriend says, “I’m going back home now… without you. Thanks for the year of free sex and being my tour guide. Bye”. Well, they don’t actually say those words, but the meaning is similar. Unfortunately, this situation is all too common.
#4 Family is Important
A Korean woman is very respectful, loyal and obedient to her parents and the parents, in turn, are very protective and meddlesome about their daughter’s personal affairs. Even when a Korean girl is dating a Korean guy, parents have significant power in manipulating her choice of a potential husband. Do not underestimate the power of the parents. Korean girls seek their parents’ approval and may end up breaking up with a guy if the parents disapprove and tell her to break up.
A Korean woman depends more on her family for support than a western woman. Koreans tend to live with their family until they are married off in their late 20s or early 30s. As result, they still have to follow their parents’ rules. It is common for young women to have curfew even into their 30s. The curfew time depends on the woman, but don’t be surprised if you are dating a girl who is 25 and she insists she has to be home by 10pm.
Usually, Koreans do not introduce their boyfriend or girlfriend until they are ready to marry. But when dating foreigner, they may want to test the waters about what the parental reaction will be before they decide on dating or marrying a foreigner. Any meeting with the parents is a very serious event.
Take her family seriously and respect the rules of her house. Keep the curfew as best you can. Also, if you do meet her family, you’d better dress your best and be prepared to speak some Korean. Even a few Korean words is enough to help win them over.
#5 You Will Be Koreanized
You are dating in Korea, so naturally you will be expected to do things the Korean way. You will be pressed to learn the Korean language, eat all kinds of Korean food, follow Korean fashion and follow proper Korean dating etiquette.
You may be urged to learn the Korean language as your relationship deepens. It is not necessarily for your or her benefit, but rather she is already thinking ahead to the day you meet her parents. She wants you to speak Korean to her family in the future.
You may be open to trying new food, but you may get served a squirming live octopus in front of you or freshly grilled dog. Ok, the octopus and dog examples are extremes, but I am sure you will be presented with food you don’t like. Respectfully decline the food and politely explain why you don’t want to or can’t eat it.
Imagine getting a new gift from your girlfriend, you open it up and it’s a lovely pink shirt. Of course for Korean men, they are comfortable walking around in a pink shirts, but it may be something you would never even be caught dead in. This may also be true for couple shirts.
I suggest setting the fashion rules early one. Go shopping together a few times and tell her the styles you like and don’t like.
You should follow Korean dating culture. Be sure to know the special days here. Also, be sure to buy appropriate gifts, like jewelry, flowers, expensive brand names, make-up, etc. for special occasions.
Also, you need to buy and wear a couple ring. The couple ring is an important milestone in a relationship in Korea to show that you are in love and in an exclusive relationship with each other.
#6 Show Them the Money
Money, as in every country, is important in Korea. Women like you to spend money on them and not be cheap. They like to go out and eat at nice restaurants. They prefer their boyfriends to drive nice cars, have good jobs, take them on trips, buy them expensive gifts and, of course, pay for their plastic surgery if possible. Ok, the last one was a joke, kind of, but you get the point, they understandably like financially stable guys. Certainly this is an international norm.
If you are actually a poor guy with no money then don’t worry. The keepers are not shallow. Korean women tend to be a little more forgiving of poorer foreigners. They can recognize your love is genuine and they are smart enough to know this is more valuable.
#7 You are in a Competition
Everywhere you go, everything you buy for her and every sweet word you say will be reported on Cyworld, Facebook, and Kakao talk with photo evidence. She is in a life contest with her friends to see who has the most fun and the best boyfriend. Anything special will be communicated to her social network and she gains pleasure from positive and jealous responses from her friends.
Keep in mind that she is also monitoring her friends’ activities and what their boyfriends do for them, so be ready for her to compare and complain if you are not as romantic or active as her middle school acquaintance’s boyfriend. Keep the dates fun, the food delicious and the gifts romantic or expensive and you will be considered a good boyfriend by her and the netizen review board.
#8 Birth Control / Pregnancy
It is true, Korean girls are just as curious to have sex with a foreigner as a new person coming to Korea. They heard all the talk about your dick size and are eager to see the truth. When the special moment does come, it is up to the guy to lead the way. Korean women can be quite passive in bed.
Korean women will trust you and expect the man to take control of birth control. The two accepted methods are withdrawal and/or use a condom. Getting a Korean women to take the “pill” will no doubt end in arguments of how dangerous it is and you are bad for recommending it. Any other suggested form of birth control is just too foreign and will not even be considered.
Let’s move on to pregnancy and abortion. Abortion is a sensitive topic, I am not making this into an argument of pro-choice or pro-family, I am just discussing the realities of Korea.
If a young Korean woman is impregnated by a Korean guy, and she doesn’t want to marry him, she will automatically know that a trip to the abortion clinic is the solution for her. If she doesn’t want to go to the hospital to abort the baby, usually her family will intervene and push her towards an abortion. It is a rare thing to find a woman pregnant or with children before 26. The sad truth is that Korea has one of the world’s largest abortion rates.
If she is made pregnant by a foreigner, then for you to suggest a trip to the hospital makes you an evil guy. She will hope you suggest taking her and the baby back to your home country, but if this is not meant to be, then she will just abort the baby.
The cost of an abortion is around 1,000,000 won and although abortion is officially illegal, you can easily find a clinic in every city.
#9 Break Up and Revenge
Breaking up with any girl can be a dangerous thing, especially if they are scorned. If you dump them, they may have had their fantasy broken, feel betrayed, and seek revenge. How can they get revenge? Well, they can interfere with your job or studies. They can talk to your employer, teacher, Korean friends and try to make it look like you victimized them. They may call the police on any illegal activities you may be up to. Be afraid, be very afraid.
#10 The Phone!
This is without a doubt the most important things to know about dating a Korean woman. You must follow the phone rules:
Always respond to her text messages promptly
If your k-girlfriend sends text messages, you should answer quickly. If you do not answer quickly, your girlfriend may complain that you are “eating” her messages. She will complain and train you very well to send morning messages, goodnight messages, and of course ask her if she has eaten breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Call her every day
A phone call from a boyfriend is an important daily event. You should call as much as you can, but at the very least, you should give her a call in the late evening before bed. You should be talkative and even if she calls you, you are expected to do the talking. If you do not call her, expect an argument.
Never miss her call
If she calls you and you do not answer, you have just comitted the worst kind of crime. Expect her to start crazy calling. 100 calls in an hour + an equal number of text messages. Her mind is already thinking about the slutty girl you must be with as the reason you do not answer the phone.
Phone arguments are very common with your new Korean girlfriend. Do your best to follow the rules to limit these arguments.
Dating Korean Girls Conclusion
I hope your relationship with your Korean girlfriend is a positive one. Try to experience everything you can, but be respectful to her and her culture. And who knows, like many foreigners these days, you may end up marrying a Korean woman and starting a family.